It's so frustrating learning a new language. I want to just magically wake up one morning and understand, which I know isn't actually going to happen, but it is really sad being one of the only monoglots I know. Everyone here speaks two or three languages, and usually pretty well. I go to parties and Germans speak English to me. I go to the photo supply store and the clerk has a thicker British accent than he does German. I know Danish kids who speak such good English that I though they were Americans. The guy I'm sharing the photo studio with is (I think) German, but so fluent in Spanish that he accidentally throws in Spanish phrases when he's speaking English.

And then I try to speak German to a store clerk and can't understand when she asks me how many of something I want. I probably even know the words she's saying, but I can't pick them out of the stream of sound. Toddlers speak better than I do.

Of course, intellectually I understand that it takes a toddler 3 or4 years of constant immersion to start putting together complete sentences , but it's still frustrating. My house mate Adam, who speaks four languages, has given me a bunch of tips. He says that, until you've listened to a language for a certain number of hours, you actually have a fear response that makes it harder to understand when someone is speaking directly to you. Your brain knows that there is information contained in the sounds you're hearing, but the sounds are unfamiliar and your brain panics .

It actually makes a lot of sense - I can understand my teachers at school (granted, they're speaking slowly and simply, but I can understand them), I can understand random snippets of conversation, but I almost always miss it when someone is talking to me directly. I remember the same thing happening when I was in Japan. So I guess it's time to bust out the German radio stations and start listening to it as background noise. Sure hope it helps.

Hallo,

John came out to visit Berlin, me, and his friend Becky. (Except Becky FLAKED! If you 're reading this, Becky, we both wish you were here. Berlin's not THAT far from Stockholm ...) He's here in town until just after New Years , and it' s been really nice to hang out with someone I know. It' s really stressful, having to make all new friends . I'm always worried th at new people will stop hanging out with me once they realize that I constantly repeat my stories, am late all the time because I get lost , and that I'm generally kind of a spaz. I hav e my strong points too, of course, but...

The German seems to be kicking in now. I'm starting to dream in German occasionally. I did it when I was learning Japanese, as well. The funny thing is, I can never remember what I said when I wake up. My subconscious is fluent, but my conscious hasn't quite caught up yet .

I finally got in to the photo lab again. My former houemate Vanessa has a shared studio where she does painting, and one of her studio- mates has just finished setting up a darkroom. He has kindly agreed to let me use it for basically free, as long as I bring my own supplies. So, las t night I developed the first roll in years. It al l worked out just fine, although I had to guess a bit on the developing time. The only problem is that I forgot how much of a tail I had left at the end of the roll and I cut off the last five pictures as I was removing it from the cartridge. That sucked.

OK, sorry to cut this short but I have to get off the computer. More soon, I promise.

Oh, and there i s the grea test travel agency ever near my school - TITANIC TRAVEL. I 'm serious.

Sorry I haven't been posting as much. It isn't so much that I've been too busy as that I'm either really hungry when I sit down at the computer after school, or that I have a crappy keyboard that discourages typing more than the bare minimum. I'm hungry right now, in fact, but I owe y'all a post anyway.

You're probably wondering what my roommates are like. Well, first of all, I live in a four bedroom house, so I'll have three roommates at any given time. Right now, I live with Jörge, Adam, Scott, and Larry the cat. Scott is the main renter, and will only be here through December. He has moodswings, but we've been getting along pretty well lately. He has a four year old daughter here, and she is over at the house several days a week, but she's a nice kid. She's usually pretty quiet, except about 10 am Saturday morning, when she and Scott often play "the running jumping stomping game" while the rest of the house attempts to sleep off the previous night's excesses.

Adam just moved in three or four days ago, and within three hours of his arrival he had already endeared himself to me by letting me in at 4:30 in the morning when I lost my key. He has an awesome job that allows him to work pretty much anywhere in the world from his computer, so he's lived in Europe for several years. He majored in languages in college, so he speaks fluent German, fluent French, Russian of unknown quality, and some Chinese. He's a photographer as well, and we are toying with the idea of putting a darkroom in the basement. He's also a healthfood junky, like me, so we share quinoa and brocolli from our respective larders. Unless he suddenly sprouts horns from his head and starts speaking in tongues, I think we're going to get along really well.

Jörge is our token German housemate. He's one of the sweetest, most laid-back people I have ever met. He's a computer programmer, gamer, avid techno-industrial listener... basically a twin to many of my good friends in college. He's been incredibly cool about inviting me out when his friends throw parties on the weekends, and we have really similar taste in music, so we sometimes go out clubbing together as well. I'm forever running up to him asking how to say one thing or another in German, or showing him flyers for clubs and asking if they're any good. So far he hasn't gotten annoyed with my incessant "wie sagt Mann... auf Deutsh" which is pretty impressive. I even annoy myself somethimes.

Vanessa deserves mention as an honorary roommate, even though she moved out at the beginning of the month for cheaper digs. She is as incredibly cool as the rest of the gang, and was a blast to live with. She still stops by every few days just to say hello. Jörge and Adam are planning to stay there for at least a year, but in January Scott leaves and we have a French fashion designer coming in. I haven't met her, but it should be interesting to see how things change then.

Our household is fantastic right now. It's been so many years since I lived with people who I was really friends with. It's like a little family, but without all the obligations. If we're home and hungry at the same time, sometimes we make dinner together. If someone makes tea or coffee, they'll usually ask everyone in the living room if they want some as well. If one of us is going out with friends, we'll usually invite the others along. But it isn't out of obligation - we actually just all like each other.

So, I got a bit more detail about the Santa Clause thing. On Dec. 6th here, St. Nicholas puts candy and treats in the kids shoes and leaves them by the door. Another amusing thing I learned is that the term for "mood swing" in German is something along the lines of "mood jump". I forget the exact word my roommate used, but I found the idea of a mood "jump" or "hop" rather than a gradual "swing" pretty amusing.

This is just not right. It's WARM today. Not sure of the actual temperature, but it's really, distinctly pleasant to be outside. I grabbed a sweater on my way out the door this morning and I WISHED I'D LEFT IT AT HOME. This is not normal. Everyone keeps telling me that they expect the winter to be really bad because of the warm summer, but so far I haven't seen anything resembling winter in a month. Chilly, yes, but not the terrible Berlin winter I've heard so much about. I'm sure once it hits I'll regret having said anything, but sheesh!

Another odd thing I've noticed: Peanut Butter. Walk in to an American grocery store and tell me how many types of peanut butter there are on the shelves. Let's see what I can think of off-hand: Jiff, Peter Pan, Skippy, Laura Scudder, the store brand, and then a low-fat and/or unsweetened version of most of the above. Then you get to choose between two or three different sizes, and decide if you want smooth or crunchy.

If you manage to find a jar of peanut butter here, you will get a choice of one brand, usually called something like "Uncle Sam". You will get to choose between smooth or crunchy, but it will be heavily sweetened and will usually have American flags or a stripes-and-stars theme all over the label. It will only come in one size: small. And it will cost more than freaking Nutella. Sigh. I never realized how much I like unsweetened peanut butter until I couldn't get it any more.

OK, don´t have a lot of time left before my hour is up and the net cafe starts charging me for a second hour, but here´s something from an email I just sent a friend:

My favorite roommate moved out the other day, and Scott moved in, who I don´t really like and don´t feel particularly comfortable living with. (Scott is the lease holder.) Not that I think he´ll do anything, just that he´s WAY too much like Lou (my former and extremely grumpy and obsessive roommate of three years). Very dominant male vibes from that one. I can tell he´s naturally an asshole and has trained himself into some semblance of normalcy, but it pops out every so often. Fortunately I think he´s only in town for a month or so. But as it is I don´t feel particularly happy about being home most of the day, especially when Scott is brooding ominously in the living room, and I don´t like talking to him because he is a condescending asshole to women in general. Any time I ask him for help getting settled in town - since he´s lived here off and on for 5 years - the answer comes out more like a lecture on "the realities of living, little lady". Grrrrr!

Tonight I wanted to go out to a bar just to get out of the house, but going to a bar by myself sucks since I don´t actually speak German. I could go anyway, and I probably should, but I´m too damn shy and I feel bad for not speaking the language. I just keep thinking about how much we (as a society) look down on Mexicans back home for not knowing English, and cringe on both their behalf and my own. So I´m feeling a bit isolated at the moment. I know I´ll meet people, but these things take time.

That said, I´m still glad I´m here. I was just happier until Scott showed up. But he´ll leave soon, and it will be OK again.

OK, so inquiring minds want to know about Santa Clause here. He´s called, in general, Weinachtmann (Christmas man). Weinactmann comes down the chimney and leaves gifts. However, there´s also St. Kristofer, who is an actual saint who supposedly gave his red cape to a beggar one winter. I don´t think he actually gives out gifts. Then there´s Cinter Clause, (I don´t think that´s spelled right) who comes on Christmas Eve and gives a gift to the children "in person". Weinachtmann also comes from the North Pole. I´m still a bit confused, but that´s what I got out of my housemate Jörge this evening over dinner. I may have to do a bit more research.

Miss you all!